THE waves lapping at your feet. You hear a foghorn in the distance, the space between the next land and yourself spacious, and widening. The year is 2017, and it's a windy day, you've got your toes dug into damp, yellow sand. Your heart is also flighty, like tissue paper. Your neck tight as a fucking deadbolt, your insides hollow of emotion, rich in apathy. This is when nothing touches you. You anticipate your next couple of trips, and mentally dull the frantic urgency of plans afterward---to escape. For now, you hang around in the present, willing life and time to flow slowly, and thickly.  

Singapore's writing is limited by its politics.

A letter to myself in ten years,

You would be thirty-nine. Tears spring in my eyes at that thought, is it my scary age? Would you have lived your thirties jubilantly, with a lot of strength and real, easy laughter? Or would you have already died, washed into faded blue, driven to ashes? If you are alive still, will you still find writing nourishing? Will you still be jealous, and unhappy? Or would the profanity of experience have stirred up little realisations of how to live happily, healthily, heartily? Will you scorn your elegiac loss of youth, or wear your young-time misadventures proudly on your flabby arms? Do you love yourself now?

Life, evening light. I am twenty-nine, it’s September. I teach, and skim over the loves and plights of friends, hang onto what I think is realer than most, I am listening to Mazzy Star’s Fade Into You, I am alone yet not lonely, very confused, a little lost, sedate, emotional, uncertain yet anticipatory, I live at home with my family in Singapore, it doesn’t feel right at all, I am conflicted, and torn, at the same time I am lucky for one, or two, or three, and more, I am a lucky girl to love and be loved, and yet I am constantly choked up, my head’s not right, now and then, but I think I will be ok.

Yann Martel says he writes to attempt to understand something. I don't know, what if writing is less about understanding something and more about losing and creating something musical and messy and in an absolute disarray yet acutely perfect?

UPGRADE.

kays. ive decided im done with blogger.moving out of this annoying place to livejournal yay! gege,pam here i come:D hehe.

http://dreamofroses.livejournal.com

whoooooosh.

went to zouk for the first time yday with manda&gang. gla came along tooo whee love her so much.gosh it was super fun; mambo was damn cute and phuture played awesome music. but im determined to swear off alcohol for as long as i can take it man. all the vomiting was srsly no fun at all=( ughugh

then gla came to stayover!im so thankful for her. thx for cleaning up and everything, i know it must have been way disgusting work -sticks out tongue- super grateful to her.hugs
today was spent lazing at home with her. tv marathon all the way man! i think i'll die without cable. jus realized ive this cartoon channel boomerang and im damn elated haha.

oh yay tianee found me a job, this one wk assignment thingy under skII giving out samples and stuff. very grateful she thought of calling me!thx tian:)
and gege's bday's coming up!! but that woman alr planned EVERYTHING so the element of surprise's gonna be absent-.- gege u really ought to pretend abit man. hee

feeling pretty neutral today.damn i shdn't have taken that afternoon nap; gonna be tough getting to slp tonight.

tell me quando quando quando.

we'd dinner at brewerkz followed by icecream at island creamery to celebrate mothers' day today.it was super lovely:) and on fri,uncle andrew& gang came over along with gennat and gang. aww matthew's the cuteeeest thing alive man; i could eat him up. haha.nah but srsly he's so cute i wanna hug him to death. hee.


mommy dearest!!














hm.

wati's stationed at my grandparents' for gd alr so we've chore allocation at home heh. sigh hope porpor&gonggong recover faster=(

been spending loads of time with gla. not that im complaining. im lovin' it. really wonder wad i'll do without her.

(DAMMIT blogger sucks. either that or i really've no idea how to upload stuff man. so annoying)

so yeah.

stayed over at gla's yday. time spent with her is always beautiful and i love her so super super much. yeah imma use gla's 'dun think so much' strategy; it has worked wonders before. so wadever annoying, two-bit thought that comes to me,i pushpushpush it out. yeah it keeps me sane. michael buble's 'everything' is damn gd.i truly admire ppl who manage to come up with such great tunes. on a really damn random note,i love my family so much.

roxanne's in the house ;) YO YO (credit to ahem)

so yeah.been a lovely day; life seems to be looking up:)

met gla in the afternoon and ohboy landed free makeovers which turned out to be, for want of a better descriptive,eeeeeeeeeks. heh i mean... green eyeshadow!!!omg. lil palette of horrors.
ooo we did our hair yday and im super happy with the result!whee thx gege for the amazing recommendation. though i think it'll probably go all limp aft washing since ive no idea how to blowdry it.

and yayness met up with gege& bryan for dinner and spiderman 3! HAHAHA omg i nearly died laughing halfway thru' the show man- teared infact! (-eyes gege-)
joanie joined us too woooots. and she's staying over!in the shower now. hehe i loveeeee it when she stays over.joanieee's like the sister i've always wanted and never had; who else can i go mad-hattery-hat dancing with in a room with dimmed lights and blaring music;)

righty she's out!woots.

p.s. joanie, u don't stink ;)