ahhh

gosh i'm feeling so hyped up now.just got word i should be moving into the hostel tomorrow! -horrors- it's finally time.. and i only got back at 11plus today!!!so it's packing packing packing non-stop packing.taking a breather now; i just covered my bed with tops, bottoms, bags,belts.gosh it's a fashion dumpster. everything's in a crazy mess now.and a senior just called to brief me on orientation,which will be lasting the whole of next week. ahhh!!!everything's so last minute. heh but i kinda like the rush.my goodness so much ambivalence's going on in my head. excitement,trepidation, fear. -pauses to catch my breath-

oh yes!!!went out with gla today=D=D heehee my godsis, remember?i love her sooooooooo much.she's so real and i feel damn comfortable with her. it's like... only with her can i be myself and not give a rat's ass if i'm annoying her or not;) it's a really good feeling.haha gla's really my soul sister..i can't find anyone else in the world like her,really. we're on such similar wavelengths and frequencies, it kinda freaks me out sometimes.haha in a good way,though. it's amazing how she ALWAYS seem to empathize with how i'm feeling and sometimes,i feel we even think alike. hee it's like we have some telepathic thingy going on.i'm truly grateful to her for always being there to listen. she's one of the best listeners EVER:D

well,anyhoo, we went to the movies!saw pirates of the caribbean.. it was good! lots of hilarious moments haha. i thought the first movie was better,though. haha then we went absolutely crazy with my digital camera!!so fun;) then we bade each other farewell after promising to call whenever available.haha we sound so much like a couple, don't we?

oh yah a big thank you to abby for passing us her free movie voucher=) she came to stayover 2nights ago and we stayed up practically the entire night talking and talking. i really enjoyed myself with her..it was great confiding in her and listening to her pour everything out.i hope things will take a turn for the better for her..

oh i met rach yesterday!our last outing before i head off to pulau ntu gosh. (think i might as well enlist)was wonderful hanging out with her.i'm gonna miss her soooo much=(

yay joanie's staying over!=D dunno why she's so scared of me. -evil laughter- chik chik.

right,think i'd better stop here and go pack!

whee=D

ahh i had such an incredible dayyy=)) in the morning,i accompanied abby to nus to collect her matriculation package. GOSH that place's worse than the minotaur's maze!!heh it was awful, really. we got lost for about an hour and a half, desperately trying to locate our destination on every map available.and it doesn't help that abby's as much of a road idiot as i am! haha it's like the blind leading the blind... resulting in wasted trips,aimless bus rides and lots of cursing. anyway, we found the place at last - a lecture theatre perched high atop a hill..gosh we had to go uphill and climb stairs before finally arriving at it.

then we met rachhie gege rachh at whitesands after that and went grocery shopping at ntuc!!hee then she came over and whipped up her infamous pasta (with ready-made sauce, no less haha;>) haha she was like a female jamie cook, shouting (gosh shouting's an understatement for her haha) orders and instructions as she bustled about the kitchen.i was not allowed to do any serious cooking, just stirring and getting stuff for her. heehee thanks for the faith u have in me,pgg;) but it all came out brilliantly and the pasta was very yummy!!haha we lazed ard aft that before her prince charming freddie fred came by and whisked her away in, not a magnificent white horse haha, his stylo milo jet-black mitsubishi lancer (did i finally get this correct?hee) thank you so much for accompanying me and helping me with dinner, deary.truly appreciate that. sigh i'm gonna miss her soooooooo much when i finally move into the hostel=((

ahh i've just received calls from the in-charge of my hall regarding hall orientation.gonna last the whole of nxt wk. urghs not looking forward to that,definitely.can't wait for pongie to get back from her current orientation so we can discuss. my goodness everything's coming so quickly at me all of sudden. -stops and takes a deep,drawn-out breath- heh that didn't help.i'm still stressed.

yay abby's coming to stay over=D=D

ooh la la

oooh....... jonathan's so suave..........-twirls round and round before collapsing on hard, marble living room floor- ouch. he made "kissing a fool" so... sexy heh.ahhh i'm so in love with jazz, and big band. rod stewart,michael buble, nat king cole,ray charles, diana krall,norah jones to name some of my favourites.haha actually i really love all their music. it's so....so melancholic. hah getting all sappy and mawkish on myself eh.

i feel strangely energetic tonight...none of that lethargy closing in on my senses. ahh i think i drink too little water;really bad. i find myself falling ill very frequently.. very frequent bouts of feverish feelings and weariness.

right,better catch some sleep!

bother

argh school's startinggggg!!!!!! and i've just received my hall allocation - NO aircon.............gosh how am i going to survive without aircon,seriously.......=( all the nitty gritty logistics come in about now; acceptance of offer,payment for stuff (via cash/cheque/credit/online credit/visa/mail ugh what else did i miss out), packing and planning (yuck the most dreaded),preparing for orientation (-groansss-) etc etc etc etc etc etc bleh.only a few days left!! i can't believe these 8 months have flown by soooo quickly!poof and it's overr=(

right, stop whining already.let's just try to enjoy the pathetic remainder of this loooong break. ahhh met up with lynette and gla today.we went to kenny rogers at marina sq! it was not bad..i really prefer their sides to the main dish,though. gosh i'm really into chocolate these days...it's like becoming a serious addiction already. chocolate chip cone,kitkat, timeout,swiss almond choc crisps, MIDNIGHT COOKIES AND CREAM cone,kinder bueno and the list never seems to end. yum=D

ooh my parents will be off to macau tmr, and i'm gonna be cooking dinner for my brothers!! -rubs hands in glee- whee i really love cooking!!and baking! and basically experimenting with the ingredients i have at hand.think it's really fun..especially without a recipe. abalone will be coming over to help!and hopefully rach can make it toooo!!!gonna be sooo fun haha=D oh there's sg idol tonight!!think the theme's jazz or big band or something along those lines.can't wait!! hee

gonna hit the shower now.

headacheee

-grunts- argh damn this throbbing head of mine.it feels full to the brim, swimming with so many stuff.so many things to take care of, so many things to ponder over, so many things to get annoyed about. argh just so many things which bug me,tug at me, bother me,irritate me. pah.

i need to... take a hot shower with lux's white rose foam,change into my oversized nightdress, step into my air-conditioned room, curl up under my floral covers with "the time traveller's wife", and with a lil' luck,get my radio going and have class 95 playing softly in the background.

ahh yes yes that's what i will do.

ahh... bliss=)

ooh joanie came to stayover!!!!!whee it was sooo much fun=D infact,she's still here!leaving only tmr.. she's really the younger sister i never had,man. admittedly,i do get easily irritated with her at times, just like i would with my two younger brothers.but around her,i feel so natural, comfortable and just myself...and this feeling rocks so much=) her zest for life and beauty,coupled with valid cynicism, makes her so real and... and it makes people around her (me,at least) so comfortable with themselves cos' they know they're being appreciated, regardless of the role they play in her life.heh geddit? cos' i'm starting to confuse myself with my whirlwind of thoughts, too. anyway, to joanie: sorry love,if i've angered/annoyed you in any way;i still love you no matter what!!you're really exquisite, and i truly appreciate you..

we went to town, with the sole intention of visiting one of her schoolmates,who was involved in some ongoing event there.tapestry something, i think.. and we ended up at the area behind cineleisure for the sg idol event!!!haha well, the contestants came and i snapped soooo many photos of my favourites!!!!! (actually had my camera with me hah!)jonathan,joakim..... ahhhh;)

joanie is talking to herself in the mirror. -quirks a brow- claims she practising for her upcoming choir concert..she's gonna be one of the emcees. haha she's got a screw loose in her head,that one.

ahhh derek's been such a dear to fix up my tagboard.thanks!=) i'm a complete idiot with such stuff; i don't even know what to call it. computer stuff?it's just confusing lah.

gosh my cousin and brother are going completely crazy, engaging in senseless conversation and laughing over nothing, in the far corner of my living room... -sighs- i love it when joanie comes to stay over.maybe it's cos' i feel so much less lonelier.. there's someone i can pour everything out to.and i don't feel that sickening sense of loneliness and depression at night. there's no time for me to feel that way,anyway.haha am i starting to sound like some deprived,suicidal wacko? nah,it's nothing serious, really.

-rubs neck- argh somebody pass me that axe.. for my neck.bleh=(

go away, ye foul spirit

argh for some unfathomable reason, EVERYTHING seems to be irritating the hell outta me today... my radio's going all cranky on me (seriously, this one's killing me cos' i rely really heavily on my radio),the bugs in my toilet seem to be multiplying by the millions, my neck's still a convoluted bunch of nerves, this 8month break is coming, very very sadly,to an end, and sch's beckoning=( blargh.

ahhh santana is the only one who can soothe my agitated spirit now; he rocks so much... oh yes i hit ikea with my mom today!didn't eat their famous meatballs, though. i had a hotdog,instead.with LOTS of ketchup and mustard - it's soooo good!! really wonder how they do their sausages.might be canned, but it's really yummy!XD

ohhh i can't believe gayle's booted out of sg idol alreadyyy=(( she doesn't deserve it!!!hah but i'm super glad jonathan's no longer in bottom 3. heehee i like him!and so does my mom HAHA.. infact,i think it's bordering on an obsession for her;) she actually voted 5 times for him!heh coming from someone who doesn't usually pay attention to such irrelevancies, it's something.

right, gonna sleeeep now.

life that is debonair... will it last?

ooh had another wonderful day out with rach.really appreciate her soooo much=) thanks deary.. i lub you;) -grimaces and throws up my supper- (heehee couldn't bear to add in the 'wor'.winks)

after our painful (literally haha..serious damage to thigh muscles) ordeal at amore,we went to meet the girls at siglap yong tau fu!!!!gosh that place's AMAZING,man...... i love it soo much!!haha even after 2yrs,i'm still not sick of it. just imagine that goodness - ahhhh=D haha okie enough pigginess already.it was really lovely catching up. everyone seems to be doing so well and i'm glad.reminiscing jc days also brought back really really hilarious memories haha... yujin,shah, abu... they just totally crack me up.haha esp yujin! ahh what a delightful class we all make up.really blessed to have such an incredible class.

ahh i wanna watch 'the lake house'!!!sandra bullock's such a lovable person and keanu reeves is... welll.... hot stuff!!;) looks like a really sad story,a definite tear-jerker, i guess.the soundtrack rocks=D think it's keane's 'somewhere only we know'. lots of regret and aimless pining going on in the song,i feel. makes me wanna cry for some reason.right, i'm gonna have to break out of this depressing routine. it's boring.and it's weighing me down.

eeks i don't like the way i write.looks pretty forced and somewhat plastic to me. but still, i looovvee writing!!well not literally writing, sometimes. i come up with plots, albeit ridiculous most of the time,and type them out in microsoft.it's really stress-relieving.. and fun too!!!haha i used to really love coming up with all sorts of far-fetched tales of Mr Barnsbury the baker, or Dame Buttercup the kindly old woman who baked cakes and pies for little children. hee that's the result of consuming the whole collection of enid blyton eh..now, i find myself actually sort of weave my feelings into the plots. it's really, really therapeutic. and it's super fun cos i get to stretch my imagination to its fullest.. and beyond!haha disastrous aftermath aside, i really enjoy it..

-yawn- ahh the day's catching up with me,finally. can feel all the lethargy kicking in.sweet, sweet dreams y'all.

She retreated into the garden and sat among the numerous beds of daisies, roses and lavender. She laid her head on her propped knees, a glazed expression etched on her face. Her wild curls framed a sad, crestfallen face, a few loose strands falling over the front of her face.
Her fingers sketched his name lightly in the soft, golden sand on the ground.Then, she gave a deep, low sigh, and tilted her head backwards, taking in the majestic nightsky. It was dotted with twinkling stars, which seemed to be singing and dancing to a silent lullaby for her. She smiled, and with eyes shut, she felt the cool, night breeze on her face. It swept through her hair and she took the wind in, choking back the tears.

Finally, she opened her eyes, and looked straight ahead, gazing at the faraway gates he had walked away from. A violent wave of sorrow crashed furiously into the shore of her memories, and a tear escaped... and rolled slowly down her cheek.

i miss you babe, and i don't wanna miss a thing...

-pats belly- satiated grin.ooh a nice, chilled mug of ovaltine and peanut butter and jam (gosh these two go sooo well together!!) sandwich's really my fave supper nowadays!hee so fattening right? well, life's about enjoyment and living it to the fullest.. so there! (hah am i deceiving myself?wad with the excessive justification heh)

ahhh thanks xiaohng,for the brilliant time=D really enjoyed myself with fiona today... she's such a sweet thing, really.so wonderfully sincere and down-to-earth. and yet quite a deep one,too. (heehee judging from the countless stories conjured from her sick lil' twisted mind;>)then we spent such a looooong time at zara!!! hee and emerged empty-handed.well, that's money saved eh! urgh speaking of which, my spending's rocketed recently.. i just buy and buy, never really bothering to check my account. can you imagine my horror when my mom passed me my oub letter;i was mortified at the status of my savings - i actually wiped out thousands in a matter of months gosh=S

ooooh yes on a much lighter note,i went for my second driving lesson today!!whee!XD (ugh there were several complications prior to my decision to continue with this company, security/finance issues and what-not,but everything's settled now.thank goodness) yup anyway,my instructor was asking if i was confident enough to hit the main road today! instead of continuing the pathetic rounds i was making in the carpark at eunos.heh despite LOTS OF insecurities, i told him i was ready!! didn't want to waste anymore time..and boy, was the adrenaline rush amazing!!!!!seriously, it rocked....... the accelerating part especially.i couldn't stand keeping the accelerator needle (i think) constant at 1.5, as i'd been instructed to.. for safety reasons,i reckon.if only i had a long, undisturbed stretch of road to travel on at top speed=D gonna be exciting.

yay i'm on a sugar high or smth for the whole of today.not really experiencing any of that gloom and doom haha. there're things nagging at me in the back of my mind... things that constantly trouble and disturb me. but i can't exactly pinpoint or solve any of these little problems,anyway. so no point fretting over it, i guess.right, gonna hit the sack.

"Heya." A painfully familiar voice rang in her ears.
She spun around. He stood there, outside the gates, hands tucked deep in his trouser pockets. He looked at her, and she gazed into his eyes, almost lovingly. She felt her bones start to melt under his stare, and her knees beginning to buckle. He looked somewhat troubled. Then he began fidgeting, and dropped his gaze to the dull earth.
"Hey." She said, and began walking towards him, the child standing behind her, looking on intently.
She stopped in front of him. Then dropped her gaze, too. She fixed her eyes on his brown shoes. She loved brown. And knew that he did, too. She felt him looking at her again.
"I'm sorry,babe. Sorry." His voice pierced to the core of her heart, and she thought she could hear it shatter.
A single tear released itself, and rolled slowly down her flushed cheek.
"It's ok, I understand. I'll miss you." She wiped the tear roughly away with the back of her hand, and turned so her back faced him.

He observed that her shoulders were sagging. The cotton dress flowed gently in the soft breeze and clung on to whatever support her crumbling frame could provide. Her raven, shoulder-length hair looked limp. And she looked weary. He gave a low sigh. There was nothing he could do to make her feel better, evidently. So he'd better not do anymore, lest he hurt her deeper. He noticed how her hands fell limply by her sides. She was walking now. In slow, staggered steps. She was walking away from him, into those high gates. Into the garden beyond.
"Sorry." He mumbled softly under his breath, for the last time, before turning and walking away from those gates, and from her. Forever.

life is good=D

-grins- woo went for my first driving lesson today!!hee thanks to rach.. or i'll probably be too lazy to get off my ass and do the booking.i'm doing manual so it's pretty difficult. at least for me,it is. haha i'm glad that guy who taught me the basics isn't gonna be my long-term instructor.cos' he sure sounds pretty hopeless about my co-ordinating skills. but maneuvering the car and knowing that i'm in control of its movements and directions is really really fun!!!heehee beats any daytona game;)

then rach's bro picked us up and dropped me at bugis (so nice!!=D) where i met pongie and we went to bugis street (yes again haha).ooh the earrings there are so cheap! only 5bucks for 3 pairs..and the designs are pretty decent.gets boring after a while, though. ooh then i went for kickboxing myself!heh nearly collapsed halfway through. it's been almost a week since i last exercised!the steps were impossible to follow after a bit..

ahh and my day concluded on a lovely, high, soprano (heehee) note - dinner with joanieee!!!!XD haven't met up with her in AGES.haha joan's my amazing confidante,sister, lover, friend and above everything else, cousin!!! she's the LOVE of my life,really=D we had long john's,something i've been craving but successfully (not quite so now,eh?haha) avoiding for the looongest time. yummy!oh and joanie might be coming over for a stayover this fri!!! -GRINS WIDELY- whee can't waiitttyyy wait!!XD

hmmm on a sidenote, i'm truly, truly thankful for all you angels around me. really, as cliched and painfully ordinary as this sounds, i feel blessed. blessed with so many people who genuinely (now, this is the key word) care and love me for who i am. these are the people who do not hesitate to point out my flaws, or where i have gone wrong in whatever situation. thank you so so so much to you all. you're such a beautiful and special bunch to me and i love you all. i love my family, too=D really i do.i've been blessed with such amazing brothers and understanding and loving parents. hah ok enough with love proclamations and cheesy oscar thank you lines already.i'm sensing lots of eye-rolling here;) (though i meant every word i said, truly)

-stretches out on bed- ahhhh so tired now..i can feel the muscles in my back bundling together in several hard knots.ARGH my neck's bugging me. still giving me problems. but i refuse to bother with it, out of laziness i guess. it's terrible... this backward and laid-back attitude i have sometimes. it's awful because i feel like i'm stuck in quicksand forever. i wanna do something wild. and when i mention wild, i mean it WITHOUT the sexual innuendo. i wanna experience something different and refreshing. something that brings me thrills and adrenaline rushes. something i know i'll look back on and be glad of. what is that something, i wonder? haha time's kinda running out,though. uni's starting in like... 2wks? -groans-

simply red makes beautiful music...different types. music u can chill/unwind/relax to and music that you can really sink into.. and experience a self-piteous sort of melancholy haha.actually there're several sorts of music that fit the latter description anyhow.. -bitter laugh- hah and it seemed like the gloom has been lifted from me today eh; well,post titles can be deceiving... oh anyway,i'll be meeting fiona tmr!!yippeedoo=D i miss pervy talk with xiaohng sooo much;) it's so difficult to find someone u can really click with.. someone you know understands you and is on the same frequency. and when u do find these people,it truly rocks and u'd better keep them! gonna cut here i guess.

The child hugged her tightly. And suddenly, she felt dampness on her skin. She looked down and smoothed the child's beautiful curls, gently lifting her chin, and she saw that the child was crying. Her tears flowed down her soft, radiant cheeks like two silver streams. Her doeful eyes looked up at her, full of regret and sorrow.

"Why are you crying, my child?" She asked in a gentle voice, staring into the little angel's eyes with tenderness.

"Because I felt your sorrow. I felt your sadness when I hugged you, and so I teared." The child answered in a tinkling, sad voice, her arms still wrapped tightly around her body.

She looked meaningfully into the child's eyes, and stroked her damp cheeks. Then, she hugged the child back, and her own tears began to flow as waves and waves of sorrow racked her nimble body. Locked in embrace, the two stood in the middle of a vast, beautiful display of flowers, crying, and holding onto each other tightly.

the sun will come out..

ooh the sound of goood electric guitar brings me thrills. i dunno how to describe the feelings in words, really. the sound's so... ... so beautiful. it's the same feeling i get when i pop one of those godiva or praline chocolates into my mouth. my eyelids automatically fall shut simply cos it's the best way to savour that sort of bliss... in my own little private, dark world. and it always brings a smile to my face. aerosmith's 'angel' makes me happy=)

gosh i had sucha breathtaking (literally,may i add haha), productive(yes yes yes!!),unbelievably enjoyable tornado sorta day with rach!!!!!!! we combed practically every corner of bugis street...gosh my feet's KILLING me.haha i'm really amazed at her connections! it's always sooooo fun and relaxing (not in the literal sense,though.hee) to hang out with her=D i finally got my shorts and skirt - yay!!XD thanks for the WONDERFUL time,lovely..haha and the fortune-telling bit was rather unexpected and yet undeniably interesting right??;) so glad to see u're back to ur crazy ol' self.byebye to ur lethargy=D for now haha..

on a more sombre note (haha i never fail to bring in the gloom factor,eh?), i dun want uni to ever start!!!argh i'm loving my life so much now... the slightest notion of returning to those mugging days (as if i ever lived them, anyway) killlll me=( and cos' i'll be moving to one of the hostels there,i'll have to PACK.aw damn.. i take AGES to pack, and then i still end up bringing EVERYTHING; necessities or otherwise,they all go into my 150 by 150 samsonite.bleh. thank goodness i'll be bunking with pongie,though=D guess that's the only redeeming factor in this otherwise dreary,depressing and senseless equation.

YAY i'll be meeting gla tmr!!!!!!! -does a somersault and fails- oops haha.. oh i miss her sooooo much!!!haven't met up with her in weeks i think; or at least it feels that way.haha gla's my godsis, by the way. heehee we bestowed the titles on ourselves.hey, if being through thick and thin, mountains and valleys, fire and ice (haha see the toll of excessive jet li flicks here?) for 6,coming on 7, whole years doesn't entitle you this,i dunno wad does! gosh it's been a really looong time, come to think of it.time flies.. truly. ooh i miss sec sch days sooo much.heh will leave the reminiscing for another time lah - heh too lazy now; will store all these memories in a special compartment in my head for the time-being.

She ran into the thick foliage. And ran, and ran, and kept on running, barefooted. Her feet came into contact with soft, damp leaves and the occasional pricks, and still she kept on running. Finally, she came to a small clearing. Wiping the tears from her tear-stained cheeks, she stopped, panted gently, and walked towards an old, patterned gate. The gate was of a rusty bronze, with intricate floral details. Flowers and their stalks. She pushed open the gate and gingerly stepped inside it.

She gasped.

A single petal fell from the skies above into her open palm, and she rubbed it gently, feeling its powdery texture. Then, magic happened. The petal fell from her hand and before her eyes, it started taking the form of a child. This child was the most beautiful child she had ever laid her eyes on. Her bouncy curls were the colour of pure gold, her eyes were large and doeful and as blue as the ocean, and her cheeks were tinted a pink, rosy hue. She was an angelic child. A cherubic work of beauty. And the child tiptoed towards her, little arms outstretched . And the child wrapped those warm arms around her, and hugged her.

die, fiend, die

bleh. why am i even feeling down?it's O-V-E-R. remember?? -taps harshly on my head- get it out of ur head already,missus. vanquish all possibilities already. nah, it's not bothering me as much as it looks, really. i'm fine. (haha... unknowing readers,puzzled already?)

-kicks all troubles and bothers out the door with a vicious foot-

there, i'm free of all pain now. ahhh i'm meeting rach tmr.and we're gonna go absolutely crazy SHOPPING!!XD heehee i can't wait=) oh tmr's her basic theory test!here's wishing u all the best, my lovely pgg!!!
mm, i spent the day with abalone.she's truly a dearrr, this one. was wonderful jus sitting there under the sun, literally,talking and confiding in you (not excluding roasting like two overcooked suckling pigs haha) i really feel terrible, and so very helpless too,for not being able to do anything to make you feel any better. i feel u're very strong, and i admire you sooo much for that:) whatever happens, i'll be here ok? hugs.

heh i noticed my tone's ever so hesitant and unsure. always so negative and gloomy eh.. why am i such a depressed and desolate individual?or perhaps it's just the cynic in me. i dunno.i'm not suicidal or anything like that, puh-lease. it's just that i can't help but feel down and wasted sometimes. actually, i'm pretty damn sure my mom has a whole lot to do with my moods. it's scary,y'know..the extent to which she can affect me by. i'm incorrigible.i have no mind of my own. i can't stand on my two feet. i'm far too reliant on my mom.c'mon, even she's telling me i need to be more independent. but, very oddly,i don't feel like i rely very much on her. infact, i find myself slowly withdrawing frm her grasp.no, that's too much of a melodramatic imagery. hmmm...how do i put in. well... i guess you could say i'm starting not to take her words seriously, in a sense. i listen to her neverending grouses about me and then ditch them the moment she turns somewhat hysterical. she's not exaggerating in her actions, no.not physically.. but in the way she thinks. i feel that she often blows things out of proportions, and it sucks.it sucks because she doesn't see it. she still thinks she's handling things ok.she thinks she's doing the right stuff. i dunno how to put it across to her in a civil way,anymore. because everytime i try,something(mainly her overreacting, i feel) goes awry and she snaps, and i snap, and we all snap, just like an old box of strings,vintage with the pent-up frustration and hidden feelings. ugh it sucks.i used to think i could talk to her about anything at all. i think otherwise,now. infact,i haven't been confiding in her much. i guess being on somewhat different wavelengths, plus the inevitable generation gap,makes it tough for me to talk to her and for her to understand what i'm driving at. well...i shan't let this bother me.i'll live with it cos' no matter what happens, i still love my family.

music really does wonders to the soul. at least for me, it does.i mean.. the appropriate music at the right timings can do so much to you.. to your varying moods.it's really quite amazing. right now,at this moment, i guess i'm sort of into jazz and the blues. with rod stewart's "these foolish things" playing in the background, i feel like i'm in a cosy, little, old blues pub, the jazz band on the stage working their magic on large brass instruments, blissful couples locked in embrace moving about the dancefloor in slow dances. beautiful, isn't it?

and she turned her head gently to the side, her tears falling... and falling... like pearls in an oyster shell. he stood there, staring helplessly, both hands by his side, while she wept. then with a soft rustle of the cotton fabric of her light, summer dress, she disappeared deep into the unknown depths of the enchanted forest, her sobs punctuating the crisp night air, and echoing in the hollow of his mind.

damn this aching neck

ahh just returned from siglap's haagen daz for my dose of ice-cream..midnight cookies and cream is my official favourite!!XD ugh sg idol's really quite a flop compared to its american counterpart.well... this is singapore.whaddya expect? but there're, nonetheless, quite a number of favourites! i'm particularly fond of jonathan, rahima and joakim!!heehee joakim is pretty much challenged vocally,i must admit. but who gives?he looks soooo good.. -swoons-

y'know... i realize that as much as blogging provides me with an amazingly stress-relieving platform to give vent,i dun come clean with how i really feel. heh maybe it's just me.i can't seem to allow people to enter my realm of thoughts. i keep too many things to myself. call me insecure, but i really can't see myself sharing innermost thoughts with anyone. well ok,maybe really really close friends.i guess everyone has a part of them they shut off from all others. yup that's why i keep a diary, which is unbelievably therapeutic.

argh sometimes i get so tired with my life (or rather with what it might hold for me).i know it sounds troubling/depressing, but nah,it's nothing serious. just that...... hmmm truth is, i dunno either. oh i think i'm starting to fill out quite nicely into the stereotype of troubled, identity-searching, woe-ridden, self-piteous teen. except that i'm less of a teen now. gosh it suddenly dawned on me that i'll be turning into a 'young adult' soon. -horrors- i still feel so, so much like a kid inside. it's hard to believe, really.

-rubs neck vigorously- aw damn my neck is such a BOTHER.it's like... a rotten mesh of disjointed bones, bruised nerves and tired flesh.yuck. i need to seriously give it a hard,decisive yank and put an end to my 8 month misery=((

Sometimes I wish I could throw all my inhibitions to the wind, all my restraints aside and all my problems to the gutter and run freely around. I'll run, skip, hop, dance and frolic from a vast, green pasture with random bunches of wildflowers all about to a beautiful field of sunflowers and butterflies to an enchanting, moonlit forest of fairies and elves. Then i'll end up in a little clearing where a rustic cottage will sit, complete with a lovely garden of sweet-smelling roses and honeysuckle.

There he'll be, waiting for me, a mischievous grin on his face, holding his palm out to me. I'll take his hand, and with a gentle curtsey and a light swish of my dress, we'll dance. We'll dance under the quiet glow from the twinkling stars, to the lovely music provided by the man in the moon.

Ah... ... scatter the stardust over me and make this dream come true... ...

virgin entry..

ahh... i've never been big on blogger and stuff like this.heh cos' i've always been under the impression that if you've feelings to express, do it in your diary!! who really comes out and throws all their thoughts and innermost ideas out on the web for any random passerby to read about, anyway?but giving vent via typing really does provide an indescribable sorta relief,i must admit. and this also means i'll have something else to do when i come online (other than surfing friendster,which i must admit i'm getting rather sick of, blog-hopping and well... nothing else,really), thus the birth of this!

i dunno why.. but a strange sort of melancholy fills me inside.and it's always during times like this - in the dead of the night,when the house rings empty and i know i'm the only conscious one around. maybe it's the loneliness,i dunno. and listening to songs like lisa ono's "pikake" isn't helping much; quite the contrary, it sets you in this really sad,melancholic mood which,for me, translates into somewhat disgusting self-pity. self-pity?for what? heh beats me,too. hah i'm so capable of this.. of sinking into the pits of depression for reasons even i can't fathom (cos' they're just probably too insignificant).infact, i feel quite comfortable wallowing about in this pool of self-pity i've single-handedly created. -laughs-

i'm going quite mad,aren't i? ahh i went for kickboxing class today.rach backed out at the last min and spent the time flipping through mags.wad a slacker.well, she doesn't need it anyway!!meeting her again tmr.i hope she'll bounce back - really miss her spontaneity and vivacity.

heh moby's music has this really ethereal quality to it. puts you to ease...tells you to relax. conveys a subtle sense of eventuality; it's like... dreams blended with a sharp dose of realism. i like it.

-sighs-