die, fiend, die

bleh. why am i even feeling down?it's O-V-E-R. remember?? -taps harshly on my head- get it out of ur head already,missus. vanquish all possibilities already. nah, it's not bothering me as much as it looks, really. i'm fine. (haha... unknowing readers,puzzled already?)

-kicks all troubles and bothers out the door with a vicious foot-

there, i'm free of all pain now. ahhh i'm meeting rach tmr.and we're gonna go absolutely crazy SHOPPING!!XD heehee i can't wait=) oh tmr's her basic theory test!here's wishing u all the best, my lovely pgg!!!
mm, i spent the day with abalone.she's truly a dearrr, this one. was wonderful jus sitting there under the sun, literally,talking and confiding in you (not excluding roasting like two overcooked suckling pigs haha) i really feel terrible, and so very helpless too,for not being able to do anything to make you feel any better. i feel u're very strong, and i admire you sooo much for that:) whatever happens, i'll be here ok? hugs.

heh i noticed my tone's ever so hesitant and unsure. always so negative and gloomy eh.. why am i such a depressed and desolate individual?or perhaps it's just the cynic in me. i dunno.i'm not suicidal or anything like that, puh-lease. it's just that i can't help but feel down and wasted sometimes. actually, i'm pretty damn sure my mom has a whole lot to do with my moods. it's scary,y'know..the extent to which she can affect me by. i'm incorrigible.i have no mind of my own. i can't stand on my two feet. i'm far too reliant on my mom.c'mon, even she's telling me i need to be more independent. but, very oddly,i don't feel like i rely very much on her. infact, i find myself slowly withdrawing frm her grasp.no, that's too much of a melodramatic imagery. hmmm...how do i put in. well... i guess you could say i'm starting not to take her words seriously, in a sense. i listen to her neverending grouses about me and then ditch them the moment she turns somewhat hysterical. she's not exaggerating in her actions, no.not physically.. but in the way she thinks. i feel that she often blows things out of proportions, and it sucks.it sucks because she doesn't see it. she still thinks she's handling things ok.she thinks she's doing the right stuff. i dunno how to put it across to her in a civil way,anymore. because everytime i try,something(mainly her overreacting, i feel) goes awry and she snaps, and i snap, and we all snap, just like an old box of strings,vintage with the pent-up frustration and hidden feelings. ugh it sucks.i used to think i could talk to her about anything at all. i think otherwise,now. infact,i haven't been confiding in her much. i guess being on somewhat different wavelengths, plus the inevitable generation gap,makes it tough for me to talk to her and for her to understand what i'm driving at. well...i shan't let this bother me.i'll live with it cos' no matter what happens, i still love my family.

music really does wonders to the soul. at least for me, it does.i mean.. the appropriate music at the right timings can do so much to you.. to your varying moods.it's really quite amazing. right now,at this moment, i guess i'm sort of into jazz and the blues. with rod stewart's "these foolish things" playing in the background, i feel like i'm in a cosy, little, old blues pub, the jazz band on the stage working their magic on large brass instruments, blissful couples locked in embrace moving about the dancefloor in slow dances. beautiful, isn't it?

and she turned her head gently to the side, her tears falling... and falling... like pearls in an oyster shell. he stood there, staring helplessly, both hands by his side, while she wept. then with a soft rustle of the cotton fabric of her light, summer dress, she disappeared deep into the unknown depths of the enchanted forest, her sobs punctuating the crisp night air, and echoing in the hollow of his mind.