isn't this what we've all been waiting for.

"Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry."

-does a lil' victory dance- omg i actually got through today.phew. french test was an absolute screw-up. seriously, it was so bad i actually thought it bordered on hilarity=/ ah wells. ugh another essay due tmr:'( looks like it's gonna be another sleep-deprived night.

i think im in a slightly lifted mood.(hard to believe, eh?) yup but i am.things have cleared themselves up (well sorta; at least for me they've)and im glad. well well.

i miss my friends sooooo much.gla, rach,abby, yujin,tian etcetcetcetcccc. really cant wait to catch up with them soon.
(joanie,i know u must be sulking but ure COUSIN.hee;D)
life's been kind of a bitch lately, what with upcoming exams/essays/assignments yadadada.but well, c'est la vie.im quite thankful, though,for the friends ive made in uni. really i consider myself damn lucky to have even made any friends here:) lovely. (shoutout to sharon: -waves- so thankful for u,hun:D)

omgomg we'd tony romas for dinner last night!was wonderful dinnering out as a family:) and the delicioussssss food &DESSERT (OMG) made it so much better.really, the apple crumble& cookie skillet are to-die-for!!ooh jus the thought of it's making me drool. OMG which brings to mind that fried mars bar&icecream rach so kindly allowed me to finish the other day heehee. it was,as yanling put it (and i totally second),orgasmic! hee but srsly it was damnnnnnnn uberrrrr yummy:D ahhh gimme more of that, pretty pretty pleaseeeee??

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.

mood: pits of that shithole.
reason: cant quite put a finger on an exact reason; it's a culmination of things plus a trigger at the end.

ok im currently in a 'dammit' sort of mood.urghs i feel a fever/flu/wadever coming and it seriously isn't helping. feels better after the shower, though.sometimes, i wanna be desensitized. jus for a lil' while.i think im a damn emotional being and sometimes, the slightest things can stir really intense feelings in me. which really sucks sometimes. -lets out a deeeeeep hollow sigh- ok the night is really getting to me. i like it,though. i like how im able to reflect& release when im alone.

my head is clogged up.my head is fogged up. my vision is blurring.im entering a different realm.i open my eyes. there's nothing.there's nothing...

"Kiss me out of the bearded barley,
Nightly, beside the green, green grass.
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step,
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress."

so long.

boo the dark undereye circles are showing -must be cos' of a severe lack of sleep. sigh haven't been sleeping well these past nights;it's awful. it's like a blend of feelings and i never knew it could actually upset my sleep heh.sometimes i get so friggin' sick of how weak and susceptible i am to such stuff. well,it's OVER and im so glad.hah

OH YES first things first: congratulations to derek on landing that gig at clubmomo!!reallllyyy proud of u, bro;D -thumps u violently on ur back- i cant wait to go down and support u!!! on ur bday somemore right..heh

oh whee tmr's a public holiday& i'll be meeting gege and someone else (ahemahem -winks-) for turkish chickenrice!!! haha cant wait.gosh so much have been going on lately; i feel like im stuck in a tornado that refuses to rest.

ahh and that 2hr long conversation with gla was damn rejuvenating. haha yes sis,despite how uncannily corpse-like ure capable of getting, my spirits were really lifted after talking to u:) i'll always be here ok?dun sink into that oh-too-familiar pool of depression alone. i'll come with u!!haha;D cant wait for our stayover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!omgomgomg

aw damn i feel like a PIG now. oinkoink.haha chant with me,eugene. but srsly,the hk cafe at siglap's realllyyy too gd to resist.met up with sally e-e & gen. felt wonderful aft pouring out stuff to gen.and gen! jus go with wad ur gut feels ok?u have my support ALL THE WAY;D

wow this actually turned out to be quite a cheery entry.in a loooong while eh. ah wells,just as long as i push/force/kick those sad thoughts that get to me outta my head, i'll be just fineee.

the irony of it all.

there's a weird sort of fuzz in my head.and no, it's not the haze heh. ah whatever.

dammit. im feeling damn lousy now.really, it's those lil' things that really get me.and annoy me, and set me seething. dammit.

i wish i'd my driving license already. then i'd drive down some deserted highway, if there even is one in s'pore,at maximum speed, roof down.i'll feel the wind on my face and imagine im somewhere else.

"Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies

So go on and fly then, boy"

i need peace, gotta feel at ease.

ah lily allen's 'smile''s jammed in my head. the tune gives me a so... so.. gaze-out-a-window-at-the-falling-rain feel and i love it.

sigh. (heh ok lance i'll try to stop sighing.abit hard, though)

i cannot understand these bouts of blues.they jus come. but i guess it's normal.at least for me, it is.sometimes i just need to go into one of these moods and stay there for a bit until i feel better. it's ironic, isn't it?

ok there're some things i need to do:
1) figure out the format for exams and wad the hell i'll need to study for 'em.
2) go shopping at FOREVER21 at vivocity! omg that place has got the prettiest stuff;it's heaven.
3) sort out all my notes.
4) read all my lit texts (i doubt i can go comprehensive on 'em,though. too late alr!)
5) hmm... lose weight?haha this'll probably have to wait until after 1,2,3 and 4 are settled.

omg i'm looking ard my room and i spot 'the time traveller's wife' and 'american gods' sitting in a corner, looking somewhat dull and neglected haha.it's been wks/months since i last read for leisure! ok that'll have to be 6) finish these bks SOON.

i need to get out of s'pore.maybe migrate somewhere for a coupla yrs. aw but then again i'll miss everyone here.haha ok think i'll scrap that idea alr. wad the hell.im going nonsensical on myself again.

sometimes i wonder how it feels to have a normal neck.a neck that doesnt ache/get tired all the time. omg i sound like a schizo,don't i? but really it's damn annoying.

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.

yay hell wk's over. more hell wks to come.omg. gosh the exams are nearing.im terrified. really i am; and it's not jus that general sense of 'exam fear', u know.im terrified cos' ive no idea wad to study! lit was never a subject i paid much attention to in sch.but it cant be this way now, can it? argh.

i need a mental cupboard to pack all my thoughts away; i wanna categorize 'em,group 'em, wadever 'em.. they're too random and wild and im going crazy.

ok im in quite a zonked out mood now. yknow,i've been wondering a lot. i dunno abt wad,though. nothing in particular really.omg im starting to babble. i need to get away from all this; the world i wanna bolt to is a dreamscape. which translates to non-existential.

boo.

i love when you touch my scars.

"my head's spinnin',
boy, im in a daze.
feel isolated,
dun wanna communicate. "

so much has been going on inside me.brewing, building, pondering. life is a roundabout.well,at least to me,it is. it just goes on and on, regardless. 'cept that on a roundabout, u still get a choice to stop and get out for a breather. well,let's all get caught up in this whirlwind and make the best of it.thank god for all my beloveds.

magic.

urghs. im in sucha pensive mood again.i jus climbed out of bed, body aching and all, and slumped infront here. i need to give vent. it's always so much easier to type stuff out.

ah wells.

sometimes i wonder. wad if there really was a different realm somewhere out there under the big blue sky? wad if i really went there... heh.ok now i'm really dreaming. can u jus see that screw coming loose in my head alr?but a girl's allowed to dream right.

sigh.

life is never-ending.i won't be the old cynic and say it sucks. cos' i dun think it sucks.. well, not yet,anyhow. i try to be positive.yes, i try so very hard. heh ppl who know me well will probably shrug this off with an absent-minded laugh. sam&positive? almost a futile combination.

i wanna run free. barefoot and unbridled. i wanna go into a fairytale. and i wanna live happily ever after.

but someone once told me this, and it opened my mind to things.. "without the downs, how'd you then experience the ups?" which is so damn true.heh think i'll stick ard in reality for a bit.

you're ridin' in my car.

ahhh it's a wednesday afternoon and im in my room in hall staring at the computer.pongie's behind me studying fervently for her hr quiz later. heh damn scary.gd luck to her!

i feel fat. i feel fat cos' i'd been snacking non-stop right after lunch and now im damn full. i need to shower and wash my hair soon.it feels oily today, dunno why. ohh i'll be getting my braces out nxt appt alr!haha actually i dunno whether to feel excited or not. maybe cos' im getting so used to them..think it'll be strange when i get 'em out. and i keep thinking i shd leave them on longer so my teeth will look straighter and more aligned. haha psychological nonsense.

oh yay eugene lent me his 'a lot like love' dvd.cant wait to watch it with pongie tonightttt!!! the songs are sooooooooo good really..ive loved them even before i found out they were used for the movie. damndamn nice:D

oh yes caught up with gege yesterday.met her at the pri sch she's teaching at. was sucha stress-relieving experience to see those young 'uns running ard. hee they were soooooo cute i couldn't stop grinning to myself;) anw, we went for dinner at this subsidiary of jack's place at eastpt. haha some weird name like eatzi or smth i cant quite rmb. yum it was not bad!!heh gege, one word of advice to you: CONTROL. and i mean it ok.hee

awww i feel like slping again.no no better not. i shd know better;i'll never get up heh. ok think i'll go shower in a bit.

the godsis ;D